May 5, 2007

"Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word." 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

Thankfully, the last couple days have been quiet for Kyle. He (as well as I) have been enjoying time with Grandpa and Grandma Nash. Kyle is still going strong on the arabella CPAP machine...It has been ten days since he has been off the vent. Praise the Lord!!! His oxygen has been right around 30% (the goal is 21%) most of the time and his PEEP has been 6 (the goal is 4). The doctors haven't said anything yet about when they will begin to ween his PEEP.

I have not Kangarooed with Kyle since last Saturday. The CPAP machine is very "touchy"...anytime Kyle moves the slightest bit, or even opens his mouth, a little air escapes him, and an alarm on the CPAP rings. Most of the time Kyle is doing just fine, but the machine can not detect this. Anyways, it made for some annoying moments for Kyle (and me!) during our last Kangaroo session. Since this time, I have only held Kyle in a blanket, rotating turns with my Dad. I think the skin to skin care that Kangaroo offers is good for Kyle, but the nurses have kind of swayed me against it due to the touchiness of the CPAP machine. Today I asked special permission from Kyle's doctor to allow me to kangaroo with Kyle using the nasal cannula machine. The nurse didn't seem to think this was a good idea, but the doctor overruled and wrote an order for me to be allowed to try it for two hours a day. My first session will be tonight. I am praying it goes well and I don't end up regretting opening my big mouth! Sometimes it is hard to balance my maternal instinct with the nurses expertise.

I haven't really said anything about my trip home last week. I kept very busy, I went in to the office each day, worked on Kyle's room, and reconnected with Madison. Highlights of our time together were "adopting" a baby for Madison and the Father Daughter dance at school. There is a Lee Middleton Doll nursery in Hartville where kids can go and pick out a baby they would like to adopt. The "store" is set up like an actual baby nursery in a hospital. Madison peered though a glass window and looked at the various babies before picking the one she would like to adopt. After picking out the baby, the "new mom" is whisked into the nursery and has to put on a hospital gown and then is taught how to take care of the baby. The picture above is Madison learning how to properly change a baby's diaper. We have a running joke with her that this will be her official job when her little brother comes home! Another highlight of my trip was a Father Daughter Dance at Madison's school. I was allowed to help chaperon the dance and therefore got to tag along to the dance with them. It was a lot of fun.

While it was wonderful to be with family and friends I haven't seen in awhile, I was a little disappointed in coming home. You always think "there is no place like home", especially after having been gone for so long, but it really didn't feel like home. I told Joe it reminded me of when you go away to college (or move out of your parents home) and then come back to visit, while it is nice and comforting, it isn't really your home anymore. With Joe and Kyle in Florida, that is how it felt. I do not think I'll feel complete until the four of us are together as a family.

God continues to teach us as we go through this time. He continues to show His mercy and His love. He continues to stretch our faith. He continues to make us what He wants us to be...if we are willing to let Him work. We combine our prayers with yours for each of us to keep trusting in Him.

In Christ Alone,

Jennifer, Joe, Madison and Kyle